Do you even know I miss you?

I had waited for you, like 17 years. I thought that you were finally the one, who would change my life. I waited so many years, fighting against loneliness, sadness, madness... crazy and wild times.
I lived so long, was watching out of the window, hoping you will come and shout my name outside. I usually leave my window open just hoping that... one day this will come true...
But...What does it gives me at all? What can I do while just starring this weather changing every time just like my mood...
I start thinkng I should leave you behind. Why I need someone like you? Why I need to chase you to meet you? Why should I feel myself happy... if there is always you missing right here...
?
I can't deside... You made me weak again...